Once I started reading Rumi and writing about him everyday, I was “burnt and then I as cooked,” as he once said. His words, his tenderness, and his teachings pierced my soul to its depths. I felt his truths in my core: We are here on this planet for our own and others’ soul-growth. Forgiveness, compassion, and love for all of the human family must be our goal; identifying and committing to the contribution we’re here to make is our greatest privilege. “Love is the religion, a

My work is loving the world! My work is being astonished at the beauty of the natural world, and the human world--its pockets of misery not withstanding. My work is fostering empathy between couples--helping them to open their eyes to the luminous child in themselves and each other. Far from least, my work is speaking loudly in favor of the re-invention of sexuality. In this new sexuality, everyone is included--the young, the old, the disabled, gay, bi, non-binary, transgende

No couple has the relationship of their dreams without committing to the process of creating it. Some people imagine it's all about a lucky initial choice, but that is the rare exception. Even partners who are very well matched will trigger each other's childhood wounds at times, and they will find out that they don't always want the same thing for dinner or the same thing in bed. Conflicts are part of marriage, but you can learn to make them short roads to a happy outcome. C

Welcome to the first SEX SOLUTIONS blog post. I'm Dr. Victoria Lee, psychologist and sex therapist. I want us all to re-invent sex for the 21st century. I want to help you replace performance anxiety with self-acceptance and with creating a no-fail zone in your bedroom. If your heart longs for an intimate life that is more joyful and satisfying than ever before, this site is meant for you. With over 25 years experience assisting couples of all kinds, I know for sure that good

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and milestone birthdays were the highlights of my childhood. The holidays were gatherings of everyone we were related to; as an only child, seeing my crowd of cousins was the best part, but I enjoyed my uncles and aunts and grandparents too. Everyone was so nice, so affectionate, so ready to have fun. The way to express affection to a girl (after a big hug) was to tell her she was pretty--pretty dress, pretty hair--"too skinny though--we'll have to ma

When I was a little girl, my Aunt Ann was someone I always knew and loved. I knew her first as a young woman who played the piano, encouraged me in my music, and taught me Amazing Grace and many other songs. Thanksgiving and Christmas were always big family events where every family member old and young was present. Ann and my mom and my aunt Reba took turns hosting, and helping out whoever was hosting. All the women contributed their best dishes. As kids, our job was to have

Some weeks ago, I had major surgery. I have been recovering since, and that recovery has included a great deal of physical pain. The surgery itself was a success; after my recovery, I expect to have a knee that is much more functional that the one that was replaced. Extreme physical pain is a new experience for me. I did not expect it, and was unprepared. Even though I had excellent medical care and a variety of medications, I found it hard to endure the pain of the first ten

As translated by Coleman Barks, Rumi says: In the last hour before morninglover and beloved awakeand take a drink of water. She asks, “Do you love me or yourself more?Really, tell the absolute truth.” He says, “There’s nothing left of me.I’m like a ruby held up to the sunrise. Is it still a stone, or a world made of redness?It has no resistance to sunlight.” This is how the ancient Sufi sage Hallaj said“I am God,” and told the truth. Therefore be courageous and discipline you

So Rumi teaches us that joy is our essence. Once we have learned that profound lesson, we can return to joy again and again.

May I cherish each day, knowing that the number of those days is beyond my control. I learned from Rumi to embrace it all, though, and I truly do. Gratitude flows through me from the first playful wags of my dog’s tail as soon as I open my eyes till the last kiss at night.

Dear friends have just learned that their beloved young German Shepherd has a probably fatal disease. Their friends share their grief for this beautiful, exceptional animal, though we cannot know the depths of their sorrow; they raised her from being a small puppy, hiked deep into the Sierras with her, romped with her in the snow, watched her in joy at the beach, and exchanged the love only dog lovers know with her every day and night. This morning I woke up from a dream in w

Having a deeply joyful and committed marriage is grace, it’s joy, it’s one of the greatest sources of gratitude in my life. In future posts, I will have more to say about this path and how it can be your path as well.

It took nearly 18 years together to learn to be truly happy. Perhaps we are slow learners; I’m pretty sure I am. For one thing, I had to learn to choose recovery instead of addiction. That was 13 years ago. I don’t think a truly happy marriage can exist if one partner is pursuing an active addiction. Even being an intermittent, functional alcoholic–as I once was–is a barrier to the kind of relationship which is authentic and includes profound bonding and deep communication. S

Today is the 740th anniversary of Rumi’s death. He called it his “wedding day with the Beloved.” Rumi is one of the great souls, the wise ones who teach us that there is nothing to fear in death. As one who has visited the other side and found unfathomable beauty there, I honor Rumi for his profound teaching. Through years of immersing myself in his ecstatic poetry (as translated by Coleman Barks), my life was forever transformed. His wisdom permeated my selfishness, my fear

The show mentioned below is now available as a podcast. Would you like to know the secret to true marital happiness? Check back here and on my website: http://www.coupleswisdom.com. Soon I will post the true secret to long term sexual joy, and finding true happiness together.

NEWS FLASH: RADIO SHOW TONIGHT WITH DR. VICTORIA To hear Dr. Victoria discuss sacred sexuality on Porch Talk, follow the link below at 8:00 PM Pacific Standard Time, on Monday November 16 http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mandmporchtalk/2015/11/17/sex-relationships-sex-therapy

Dear Visitor, Reviewing the statistics for this blog, I’ve found that more than 94,000 have visited since I began it. You–visitors from many states and countries–are my community, my fellow travelers on this journey of developing our spiritual lives as deeply as we can, and of trying to make a difference on this planet through […]

Dear Visitor, Reviewing the statistics for this blog, I’ve found that more than 83,000 have visited since I began it. You–visitors from many states and countries–are my community, my fellow travelers on this journey of developing our spiritual lives as deeply as we can, and of trying to make a difference on this planet through our compassion and commitment to service. I write this on Good Friday and the first day of Passover. Ramadan is six weeks away. So many worshipers, sin

Death has become impossible to ignore. Three close relatives, two friends, the spouse of an old friend–all gone before their time just this year. The Persian poet Rumi said “Don’t worry old earth, you’ll get your sweet morsel soon.” He was fearless about dying, and tried to give his followers comfort by letting them know there was nothing to fear. In the three years I spent writing The Rumi Secret, my deep immersion in Rumi changed me. I lost my fear of death, and later becam

Death has become impossible to ignore. Three close relatives, two friends, the spouse of an old friend–all gone before their time just this year. The Persian poet Rumi said “Don’t worry old earth, you’ll get your sweet morsel soon.” He was fearless about dying, and tried to give his followers comfort by letting them know […]